Burnout

I think it's finally happened. I'm actually burned out.

I can do music, but I feel particularly uninspired these days. No writing, no creating, no real connection to anything I hear. I am even wondering if it's just a phase, or if I've crossed over into "go through the motions"-land.

I hope not. I play in a good band, with two gentlemen I really like. I am always praised for my singing and playing (probably because no matter how I'm feeling, I act as though it's the last show I'm ever going to get to play). We just played an awesome wedding at the Trois Estate north of Fredericksburg. All good shit with music. New venues, new opportunities, new songs...and just a blah feeling from me about all of it.

I think it might just come down to this: I feel constrained.

Constrained by the fact that Ned isn't a walking encyclopedia of songs (not even the songs we've played in the past because of his lack of memory).
Constrained by the fact that I have to drive all the way up to Round Rock to practice (which makes them impractical).
Constrained by my inability to manage time well enough to feel like I'm forging the close relationships with my wife and kids I want while also satisfying that artist in me who is crying out to create something, internalizing all that frustration and pain and not turning it into something productive.
Constrained by not having someone who has my same weird, diverse-but-still-sort-of-mainstream feelings about music or my same desire to create both the perfect Beatles-esque pop song, a ripping, angry punk song, a thrashy metal tune, and cutting the funkiest, most dirty groove.

I feel like I need a musical counterpart. As much as I've found a lot of musicians I admire and would collaborate with any time, I really don't have one. I don't know anyone who has the same affection for Rush, Van Halen, Green Day, Zappa, Sloan, Jellyfish, The Meters, Chicago, Billy Joel, Anthrax, Living Colour, Led Zeppelin, Extreme, King's X, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Grand Funk, Dave Brubeck, Motown, Stax, Operation Ivy, Reel Big Fish, Katy Perry, Butch Walker, early Wilco...you get the picture.

I have a feeling that unless something just happens, I'm not going to have an opportunity to ever really find one, because I just feel I can't invest the time in that sort of selfish pursuit. I feel it's unfair to my family.

So I think this constraint is more internal than external. It has everything to do with how I've lived my life. The endless conflict between the worldview of the obsessive artist - the loner who needs to concentrate to create - and the responsible member of society, making a contribution, dutiful to their responsibilities, not chasing their fanciful dreams.

Okay, now I'm going to cry - this cuts too close to the bone for me. This was meant as more of a "thinking it out as you write" thing, so of course I had to travel through a range of feelings to reach any sort of conclusions.

And here's my conclusion/plan for a resolution:
-I'm going to start to allow myself a little time each night to focus solely on musical pursuits. I'll do it when the children and wife have gone to sleep so as to not take away from potential time with them.
-I'll fight the feelings of burnout by finding new ways to enjoy what I'm doing (maybe play around with settings or something).
-I'm going to really focus on my music - improving what I've got and creating new music and hopefully finding some like-minded people here in Austin to play it with me. Hopefully the drum throne in this new endeavor (which will include me on vocals and guitar) will be occupied by Greg from Roman Holiday - he's got such a healthy attitude about music I still can't believe we ever considered anyone else after Rob left.

And if nothing comes of any of it, here's hoping it doesn't turn me into a cynical sourpuss who wants to sell all his gear and quit because he's never going to have the time to do it the way he wants to do it.

Love and funk,
TMS

I recorded something!

I spent a few hours in the studio tonight...this is the result, a song I've "cleverly" titled "Miner Fusion":
Download it
Stream it

More information about the tune (the nerdy info) can be found here.

I think it sounds pretty cool, even though it's just one of my instrumental experiments.

Last week I also wrote and recorded a song about a son's love for his dad called "My Old Man", but I haven't quite finished it yet, so I'm not posting it.

You can always find my latest music at www.musicalschizo.com

Gut check

I've heard this phrase at other times, mostly in the context of sports, but I've really done a musical "gut check" and decided that there are ways that I do my job as a singer/bassist that I view as wrong. It's always a challenge to be an instrumentalist and front a band, I think moreso on bass, personally, but in all cases it can be a real challenge to balance getting everything right with putting on a good show.

For this reason, I've always carried a meticulously-kept lyric book and a nondescript-but-tough music stand to my shows. I have an incredible tendency toward brain farts when I'm concentrating so hard on multiple things at a time.

The truth is, though, I do know just about everything that's in the book, and I rarely need to look at it. I actually keep the book in line with my bass' neck so that it just looks like I'm looking at my hand when I'm eyeing the lyric sheets.

I also like being able to cover songs that I haven't done enough times to have memorized completely. It really expands the repertoire without the investment of too much time in rehearsal for things that aren't a regular part of the show.

There are a lot of musician Nazis out there who are against music stands in all circumstances - that you should have everything memorized. Most of them are not singers, and most of them do not have to know over 100 songs.

Even seasoned pros who wrote their own songs (like Michael Stipe, for instance) will use lyric sheets from time to time to get themselves through older songs they don't do all the time. And that's usually bands who in their entire history have around 100 songs. I've learned over 400 songs for the different bands I've played in, not all on vocals, but it amazes me how easy it is for me to remember the intricate musical details of a song even when just about all the lyrics escape me.

And then there are songs that I played for a short period of time that I've internalized so well that I can play them without any assistance.

So (sorry for the roundabout way I've arrived at this), I've performed a musical gut check. I CAN know everything and not need a sheet to help me. I AM capable of it.

I just need to make it happen, and it shouldn't be all that hard. It's just a matter of playing the songs enough times for the arrangement and lyrics and my bass parts to merge together to reinforce each other as one solid memory.

This is why I can still do "Surrender" any time I want, even though we only played that for about 6 months back in 1999-2000. Or why I was able to get through "Centerfold" with no lyrics at practice one time. Simply experience. I put in the time with those songs, and they were songs I already loved.

I can do that with everything on our list, and I will, and I think it's time to take the band (Roman Holiday) in the direction of putting songs together as part of a bunch of mini-shows - rehearse transitions and ways to polish what is already a pretty damn good product. If we do this successfully, then we can move to bringing in some more elements and expanding our sound.

Thanks for your patience.

Cedar Street

Played there Sunday with the Roman Holiday fellas.

Friends David and Caleb from The Empire came out (along with Dave's cool roomie). They hung around for about one set...it was the 80s pop/80s hair band set. No idea what they thought - still haven't heard the post-mortem from Dave.

Sound was great - big thanks to Gregg. He was very complimentary about my skills as a singer and bassist. I'm such a good faker.

I appreciated the kind words...ego boosts are nice. Sennheiser Wireless was excellent...I've got to start using that more often. Might be time to pick up a wireless headset mic just to be more active and crazy on stage. It might be too "Garth Brooks", though. Headset mics are not very rock. Ah, well.

Thinking about doing something else so I can play guitar...I don't know what it will be...but we shall see. I like bass, but it's time to play guitar...even if it's acoustic.

I will make that mention in every blog from now until it happens...about the acoustic thing. I'm so pathetic. Rock on!

It's been interesting...

As Ned has built the light show for Roman Holiday, we're really starting to look as professional as we now sound. Don't believe me? Listen here: Roman Holiday's new demo reel.

We shot video and audio at our La Zona Rosa private party back in November (Happy Birthday to John), and the audio came out great, but the video looks kind of lame. I'm going to go through it and find some good clips to use - I'll probably edit the video to match the demo reel as it is and post that to Vimeo or YouTube or something.

Anyway, the band's back at Cedar Street for the first time in over a year this coming Sunday, and though we're not looking forward to the meager payday (we usually make a lot more money), we're hoping they realize how good we actually are and give us the chance to play on better nights and pay us better. It's a fun venue when the weather is nice, and the people who work there are great.

The calendar's looking kind of empty, unfortunately, but we've really been fortunate and we look forward to any surprise bookings we may get (because they seem to happen more often than we expect).

I'm a broken record, but I'm really excited about the prospect of finally getting my acoustic thing together. I have a song list (it's HUGE) and a song book so that I can play requests and stuff. I'll probably print up complete song lists for people to peruse at the show in case they want to throw in some money and make a request. Now I just need to find some good venues to get it going. I'm even going to incorporate a bunch of the Roman Holiday songs acoustic-style for something different, which will make the list even longer! Look out for The Acoustical Schizo, coming to a restaurant or coffee house near you.

I haven't written anything since last May, and that kind of makes me sad. I haven't really been all that inspired, though, so it's not a shock. I've just been enjoying life and keeping busy with my wife, kids, job, and band.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to improve my understanding of theory and relative pitch this year, and really push to make myself an excellent musician (instead of one that sort of skates along on his natural talent).

I hope you all had wonderful holidays and you have a happy and profitable 2009!

STUBB'S RULES.

Roman Holiday played at Stubb's Barbeque for a private party last night, and it was incredible.

We went into the show thinking it'd be like the last time we played there, where we played inside, and it was pretty cool but nothing earth-shattering, just a nice private function.

So first we find out we're playing after Joe Ely (he was playing a different private party before ours), which sounded pretty cool.

THEN we find out we're going to be on THE BIG STAGE! Wow. They had a full crew, including roadies to carry our stuff, a separate engineer in charge of monitors (like at a real concert),

We loaded in just as Joe was playing, so we got to hear his whole set - it was great. Then they tore his stuff down and loaded us in. We got all set up, set the monitor mix, did a soundcheck song ("She" by Green Day, just for fun), and started our show. It was a really fun crowd - most of the first set, they were just eating, but they would cheer after each song. We took a 20-minute break and got to eat a pile of Stubb's barbeque, which was DELICIOUS, and then went back down to do the next set, which was AWESOME! From the first song to the last, people were really into it, dancing and whooping it up - it was a PARTY.

I had forgotten how much fun it was to do a big-venue show like that, with a relatively large PA, a full crew, and a nice-sized stage to run around on (complete with drum riser).

Probably one of the best gigs, all considered, that I've done with the band (Roman Holiday)...and much love is extended to my bandmates for playing a good show, too: Ned (on here as ned911) and Greg - you guys rocked.

We made good money, played a really great show, and were home by 11pm. You can't beat that.

Here's hoping we get to do that again sometime soon.

October Observations...

I haven't had much time to even think about music, even though Roman Holiday's played some really good gigs the past few weeks. I guess I've been DOING music too much to think about it.

We've added a bunch of new songs, some of which will die immediately because they sound bad (like Nothin' But A Good Time and 867-5309/Jenny). We've got a good core of stuff now, and now we need to tighten up and then decide what the next step will be musically. Most of our gigs through the end of the year are private parties, so a lot of the more risque songs we do will not make the cut for those shows.

We're playing in Temple for Halloween (at O'Brien's), which is a problem because Heather's got other stuff going on that night that I'd really like for her to be able to attend. We're playing in Killeen on November 7th. Those are the only two public shows for the rest of the year, and neither of them are in Austin.

I suppose you make a trade-off when you decide to focus on the lucrative private party circuit, and you stop being a "bar band", but the biggest issue is that we don't have a regular gig at any of the good-paying venues here in town. It's a shame, because I know a lot of people who want to come see us play, if only to tease me. I really don't want to waste my time playing for next to nothing just so people can come see me play, so I don't see this situation changing, but it is a mild bummer.

There are times I really wish we had a fourth member, and then I check my wallet and realize I don't wish for it that much. I suppose if we were regularly snagging gigs worth more than $1500, I might be cool with it, but right now it doesn't seem to be worth it.

I suppose we could hire someone as our regular soundman/light tech for a few hundred or so, which wouldn't be bad, especially at larger venues, but that's another schedule that would need to be coordinated, another ego that would need to be dealt with.

I like what we've got...I just wish we could do more with it.

But moving on, I still kick that acoustic idea around, and it still never materializes because I simply don't have a lot of time to work on it or make it happen. I suppose if I was unemployed, it would be easier, but I like having a consistent paycheck and time with my family.

It occurred to me earlier this week that the last time I wrote a song was in May, and the last time before that was almost a year prior...that's not good. It's like I can't do it anymore. I walk around with little bits of ideas and none of them ever coalesce into something bigger. It's FRUSTRATING.

Well, love from the Schizo - if you read this regularly, you rock, and if it's your first time, welcome. I imagine I could write more about a specific topic, like I did when I started the blog, but I don't even have the mental energy for that right now. Perhaps soon I'll go into the wonders of using a Line 6 POD X3 rig and my awesome Digitech VL4 harmony machine.

Until then, take care!